The First of the Lasts

I'm not ready for a year of lasts.

I have 30 minutes to type this blog entry and convey all of the emotions I am feeling. That is all the time I have allowed myself today (from 7:30-10:30) then I have to pick myself up, take a deep breath and go about my regularly scheduled tasks for the day.

Why the three-hour pity party? Well, today was the beginning of the end. Today started with the last First Day of School picture I will take of my little Peanut.Today she began her senior year of high school.

I began in this blog in 2005 when my Peanut was 5 years old. She was sassy. She was strong-willed. She was determined. Basically, she was a handful. From birth to about eight years we had many disagreements. So very many. I couldn't wait for her to grow up.

Her first day of Pre-K was a good day. After attending a pre-school class at the church I worked at I took her to her first day of public school Pre-K. She was tiny but she was fierce. I didn't cry. I was ready for her to take on the world and show them what she had and she did just that. She boldly walked into school and set about making her mark.

The years passed. She grew in knowledge and understanding. Our relationship became less antagonistic and slowly we became friends. Don't get me wrong, we still have moments where she and I clash in opinion and wills, but thankfully, these events are growing fewer and further in between.

Then, today Peanut began her senior year of high school. Today was the last time I will take her First Day of School picture and it makes me sad. This year will be full of last times. I know that this is an exciting time. So much of life happens after you leave the halls of 8:30-3:30. After high school she will have the opportunity to see new things, experience life she never realized existed. I'm truly excited for these things, but at the same time I want to hold on these moments because I still see that cute little 4 year old in pigtails and I want to hold her and never let her go.

I'm not crying. There's allergies in my eyes. Also, that was a total lie, I'm totally crying. I am 100% positive this will not the last time I cry. It's just the beginning.