Wednesday, November 30, 2005

On Love

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you wish they would, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I began this week long journey feeling bitter, angry, and hurt towards a grandfather that I thought didn't love me but along the way I've learned that he just didn't show it in ways that I understood. The first instance of this was driving with my mother Thanksgiving night and finding out my grandfather gave my mother flowers when I was born. As you may have guessed, flowers mean a lot to me and to find out that he not only spent money on flowers but took the time to deliver them to my mother just floors me, amazes me, and touches me. Then in my last post my friend Faith gave me words that I really needed to read. It hit home with me today. Now I grieve for the man who may not have loved me like I wanted to be loved but loved me with what he had.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


My grandfather wasn't your typical grandfather. When my dad was about two he divorced my grandmother and joined the army. Dad doesn't really talk about spending any time with his dad. I don't know that he actually did. I never really got to know my grandfather. I knew he was alive. I'd see him from time to time, but not regularly enough know him. I had no desire to visit him in the nursing home he's lived in for the last two years. I did go with my parents last summer. I sat there and looked at a stranger. Actually, I know most strangers better then I knew my own grandfather. I remember one time when I started getting interested in family history we went and visited him. I asked him a lot of questions. Most of them he ignored or would respond without answering my questions. Others he would answer and contradict himself. My grandfather was a habitual liar. I don't know that he even knew what was truth.
I wanted a grandfather when I was little. I remember being SO jealous of my daughter because she had TWO grandfathers that thought she hung the moon as well as FIVE grandmothers (two greatgrandmothers). Growing up I had one grandmother that loved me very very much and one absent grandfather. I was so mad at him for this! Reaching out to him was like trying to hug a barbed wire fence. But I know there were times when he showed his love. My mother has a picture him holding me when I was a tiny baby. On occasion we'd get a Christmas card from him with $40 bucks in it. Most of the time my parents would give my brother and I each a $20 sometimes, when times were especially rough we'd only get $10 a piece. I took the money, probably spent it on myself too, but I still resented the fact that he didn't know me well enough to buy me a present and give it to me himself. But for these rare moments of .... love? I wanted to show my respect to him and honor his passing.

Monday came and I hadn't shed a single tear. Not until I pulled into the cemetery. He had arranged to be buried at the National cemetery in Fort Gibson, Oklahoma. From the road we could see the rows and rows of white headstones marking all the brave soldiers who had at one time or another served this nation. Pulling up to the pavilion I could see 7 men in their uniforms standing at attention. They were there to honor my grandfather as well. This made me cry. They were all total stranger, none I'm sure knew my grandfather. And my grandfather probably was never as respected as he was on that day the whole time he was alive. Then, I watched as these young men as they removed him from the hearse and carried him to the stand. The service was short and sweet (which was a blessing because it was 30 degrees and the wind was blowing violently from the north-this was an outside service afterall). Grandfather didn't like music (so I'm told but I wouldn't have known that otherwise) so the only song played was taps after the gun solute. There were no memories shared, no one really had any. The seven men came back to fold up the flag, which in itself was a much longer ordeal then I expected.

I cried for my grandfather yesterday. A man that I didn't really know, and never really will. I hope he has a peaceful rest. I'd like to say he'll be missed, but truthfully, I don't know that he will.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Hello Old Friend

Oddest thing happened today, and I'm trying to figure out what exactly God is saying to me. You see, a long time ago I was totally in love with Jimmy, or at least that's what I thought when I was 13. Jimmy was my friend, but he had his flaws. About 7 years ago Jimmy fell off the face of the Earth. We had different friends, his were druggies mostly, mine where college kids. Our lives took different paths and we did not remain in conact. I often thought of Jimmy. Not a I wish I had done something different or questioning if I had married the right man. No, I just wondering where he was, if he was still alive or did he fall into the addiction that so many do. Not a month went by in the last 7 years that I didn't have a thought, even a brief one, about Jimmy.

Then today, out of the blue there he was. Peanut and I were on our way back to Tahlequah to my grandfather's funeral when I stopped for gas. Usually I just pay at the pump so I don't have to go in and be tempted to buy something I don't need. But today Peanut needed to go to the bathroom. So we went in, I paid for my gas got some change for a newspaper and as we were walking out the door I saw...nope, the newspapers. I grabbed it and turned back to the counter to pay. I paid little attention to the guy who was standing there paying for his stuff. Then he turned around. I recognized him right away even though he looked different. He'd put on some weight, as it seems we all do, but he looked healthy. I was in shock. I rarely run into anyone I know when I go back home (and it's not THAT big of a town). He asked if I remembered him. Well, yes of course. I introduced him to Peanut, who was probably wondering if I knew EVERYONE. And stupid me I said, I didn't know if you were alive or dead, you fell off the earth. Well, he didn't fall off the earth. He just took some time to grow up. He's married, has three beautiful children (he showed me a picture). So maybe now I won't have to think about him every month wondering if he's alive or not. I can be satisfied knowing there's another woman out there worring about him.

One down, two to go... lol

I thank my God upon every rememberance of you!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Irish Blessing

I know many of you are sitting there feeling a little bloated from eating WAY too much today, so I'll take it easy on you tonight and just recite my favorite blessing.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind blow at your back,
May the sun shine warmly on your face,
May the rain fall softly on your fields,
And until we meet again,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of your hand.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Coffee Beans

(Please note that I received this in an email today and did not verify the facts)

Find the man between the coffee beans.

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in 3 seconds that your right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and one minute, then your right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between one minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes your right half of your brain is a mess, and the only advice is to look more for these types of exercises to make that part of the brain stronger. The man really is there. In fact, once you find him, you cannot miss him afterwards.

Monday, November 21, 2005

The Four Wives

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another. He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confident and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times. The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her! One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone."

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!", replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart. The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!", replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!" His heart sank and turned cold. He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave." Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated. Then a voice called out: "I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, "I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!"

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.


Sobah My Soul tagged me to do this, it's cute and wanted to do it.

Seven things I want to do before I die:
Live in Italy for a year
See Peanut grow up into the nice young lady I know she can be
Pay off my house and other bills
Send my parents on a trip
Commit as much Bible to memory as possible
Bungee Jump
Hold my great grandbabies

Seven things I cannot do:
Slam dunk
run as fast as the wind
do the splits
think about the deep things of life
hold my breath for five minutes
swim underwater
not talk for 24 hours

Seven things that attract me to hubby:
His honesty
His compassion
His mind
His devotion to his family
His devotion to MY family
His ability to make me laugh
His abilty to fix my car

Seven things I say most often:
I love you
Bless you
How can I help you
I can try
I have an answer
Thank you

Seven books or authors you love:
Skipping Christmas by John Grisham and thought I haven't read any of his recent stuff I'd like to some day.
Jane Austen-Pride and Prejudice
Max Allan Collins- all the CSI books
The Charmed Series- several different authors
Shakespear- EVERYTHING
F Scott Fitzgerald- Great Gastby

Seven movies you watch over and over again:
Much Ado About Nothing
Princess Diaries (both of them)
Sleepless in Seattle
My Best Friend's Wedding
Sweet Home Alabama
13 Going on 30
And that one movie with that one guy that was in that one movie who's name I can't think of right now....yeah, that one.

Seven people I want to join in, too:
MadCap Mum
Dr. Mike
You-who ever's not listed but reading this.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I didn't cry!

You should be proud of me. I didn't cry. I just knew I was going to, but I didn't, but not by anything I did!

Background: I moved to Enid a little over 6 years ago after getting married. For several weeks I didn't go to church because I was so homesick for the little church I grew up in and didn't know where to go. Not one single person I met in this new, completely different town invited me to go to church with them. My husband doesn't go to church so I'd have to go by myself and being in a new town that kind of scared me. I wanted desperately to know SOMEONE! Then we found out we were going to have a baby and I knew I had best get myself into a church if not for me for this baby on the way. I tried a couple of churches both big and small. None quite feeling like home. One day I stumbled into Cornerstone Baptist Church about 15 minutes late (which was just fine with me) and sat down next to the sound system because the last several rows on both sides were full. It was a nice service. They sang songs I didn't really know, but they were pretty. These people seemed nice and friendly. There was lots of laughing and smiling a good feeling. The next week I came back, even showed up on time. I tried to sit next to the sound system again, but this friendly lady named Cathy came and grabbed me and told me to come sit with her on the back row. And I did. She was my first friend.

Fast forward to about three (maybe two or maybe one...I really can't remember now) years ago: Pastor had called me during the week and asked me to read Matthew 25:31-46. I agreed and thought nothing else about it until that day. I've read before a congregation before. Heck, I did a three minute monologue in front of 10,000 people when I was 18 and loved every minute of it! Being in front of a crowd doesn't scare me. Sunday came and I was homesick again. I never joined Cornerstone even though I attended faithfully for a couple of years because that would mean I was no longer a part of my church that I had grown up in and that thought crushed me. But that day I realized and accepted that as much as I loved that place I grew up in, Cornerstone was now my home. I told the congregation this and then I started to read. But I didn't make it very far for I saw just what I was about to read:

I was hungered and you gave me meat:
I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink:
I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked and you clothed me:
I was sick, and ye visited me:
I was in prison, and ye came to me.

These were just the thoughts I had about Cornerstone and I started to cry. I stood there for what seemed an eternity trying to regain my composure, but it wasn't working. I tried to get a lady in the front row to come help me but she just sat there smiling at me. I couldn't stop crying. Every time I tried to read through it I would cry all the harder. Finally, Pastor and someone one else... who I honestly can't remember now came to my rescue(maybe JD or Gary?). Pastor hugged me and held me there while he finished reading and I cried the whole time.

Fast forward again to this week. Pastor called and asked me to read. I said, 'sure what is it?' 'Matthew 25:31-46' he said. 'You know,' I said to him, 'I'm going to cry.' And I reminded him what happened last time. He insisted that I could do it this time and I knew it would mean so much for me to read it... and NOT cry. So this morning I prayed for extra strength because I knew that I couldn't stand up there on my own. So today, God held me and used my voice to read his word to the people who years ago took me in when I was a stranger, who fed me when my soul was hungry, who quenched my thirst with living water, and visited me when I was in my own person prison. God also held my tears back, it was awesome! So thank you Cornerstone for being good sheep!

Friday, November 18, 2005

What's going on

Well, things haven't really been busy. But I've not been doing just nothing either. With the great Turkey Day quickly approaching, meaning an extra three days to my weekend I had to get as far ahead at work as possible. Which, this time of year is possible, not fun, but possible. The checks are written, the phone calls and emails returned. All I have to do Monday and Tuesday is the stuff that comes in on those two days.

So, I've joined this thing. I get about 30,000,000 emails a day reminding me to go clean something. It's kinda nice and kinda annoying at the same time. But hey, my bathroom, kitchen, and laundry room haven't been this clean since we moved in a couple years ago. They help you declutter your house 15 minutes at a time. Intersting concept. One of the things I do like about it is how they split the house up into Zones. This week the Zone has been the Bathroom and one other room (I chose the laundry room because it's the most neglected and my catch all). Everyday you're suppose to spend 15 minutes in your Zone. So, day one, I set the timer on my cell phone, cleaned the toilet, sink, and bathtub and then my time was up. It was kind of nice. I said, ok, that's enough for one night. The next night I swept and mopped before moving on to the laundry room. Next week the focus is the Master Bedroom. I wonder how many bags of STUFF Hope Outreach will get out that room?
And I've been waking up at 6:00 am this week for no reason (I love to sleep in and 6 am really isn't my thing). Since Nickel isn't leaving for work at 6 am he's still in bed asleep when I wake up. I don't want to wake him up by turning lights and such on so I've been getting up and going to the kitchen, on the other side of the house, and cleaning. Every morning I've put away last night's clean dishes and washed whatever we used since I washed them last, mostly cups but a few plates every now and then. Then I clean the cabinets and water the plants. I don't vacuum that early in the morning, but I've thought about it. I get Peanut's lunch ready then I've been doing a little devotional in the morning. Been nice, but it's starting to catch up with me. I wonder how long this will last.
Last night I was cleaning the layers of lent and dust that had accumulated on the dryer when Nickel got home from work. Here is the conversation we had:
Nickel: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing, I'm just cleaning.
Nickel: Are you power cleaning? (Sometimes when I get really mad I clean-everything and you better get out of my way while I'm doing it!)
Me:No, just cleaning.
Nickel: But you never clean the laundry room.
Me: (laughing)Well, don't you think it's about time I did?
He walked away satisfied that the world hadn't ended nor was I sick and about to die.
So, there you go. Now that I've caught you up on my world as I know it I'll get back to cleaning.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Fresh Cut Flowers and other stuff

Someone needs to remind my husband that when the weather gets crappy outside all he needs to do is send me some flowers and I'll be all better.
But since he hasn't, you get to read me whine! Lucky you!
I hate cold weather.

10 reasons why I hate cold weather:
10. My feet get cold
09. My hands get cold
08. My nose gets cold and red and sometimes runny
07. Having to wear extra clothes (more clothes make you look bulky and I look bulky enough)
06. The secretary (who controls the heating and cooling of my office) could go by the name "Flashy" and we're not talking about flashing people....think about it. Ok, you need help... she's getting older.... oh never mind!
05. Wearing socks (you can't see my cool tattoo if I'm wearing socks)
04. Cold wind (it hurts!)
03. Frost or ice covered car windows (takes too long to defrost and I never think about it until I'm heading out the door with Peanut in tow)
02. Dry skin (I have dry skin anyway but it's worse in the winter)
01. It's freakin' COLD! Enough said.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Who Were You In High School

Ok kids, I have nothing intersting to say about today, so how about a fun little quiz?

Arty Kid
Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.
You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Running Away

I remember the first time I ran away from home. Actually I think it was the only time I ran away from home. I don't remember if I had had a fight with my big brother or I just wanted attention. I'm not sure, probably the later. I packed a bag and decided to leave. I didn't know where I was going or how I was going to get there. We lived in the middle of the woods far from town. I made it to the side of the house. There I sat under my brother's window debating on what to do next. Inside I could hear him talking or praying. Maybe he saw me sitting outside his window, he never confessed that he did so I don't know. I don't remember what he said but I decided to go back inside. I didn't talk to him or anything. Instead I went to my room, shut the door and took a nap. No one ever knew I ran away from home. Probably the best decision I ever made.

But there are times, like this weekend, when I really want to run away, all by myself, and get lost-forever. To see just how far my credit cards can take me. You see, my precious Peanut isn't always so precious. She is Jekel and Hyde. Maybe that's what I should've named her... Can 5 year olds suffer from split personality disorder? One moment she can be sweet and loving, we're getting along great and the next she's throwing a fit for all the neighbors to witness. I try to be stern. Not put up with such behavior. But due to the system in America there's not a whole lot I can do except take her toys away from her (which is done on a regular basis I don't even want to know how many dollars worth I throw out with Thursday trash), not let her watch TV, or make her go to bed 30 minutes early which means about a hour before it's time to get up she'll be waking me up.... This weekend I was so scared at what the neighbors might say or do after witnessing her fit in the front yard that I called a friend to come over just to sit with me until Nickel got home. Did I plan on hurting my child? Heavens no, never once crossed my mind! But I don't know that even inside she couldn't be heard half a block away the way she was carrying on! I hate it! I don't use the word hate very often, but I hate the way she acts when she turns into this other person. And it makes me angry that there is a system out there to "protect" our children and they do this by striking fear in the hearts of the parents. I've made mistakes! I've made bad mistakes and was punished for them but now, for the rest of my life I am forced to look over my shoulder to see who's watching and misinturperting what I'm doing. It sucks! I feel so helpless! It suck so bad it makes me want to scream and run away. But will running away really solve anything? I doubt it. That's why I haven't done it. No matter where I go this will forever follow me. I think I need a good night sleep, hey it worked all those years ago when I wanted to run away from hom, maybe it'll work for me now.

Sweet dreams world!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Life Lessons

Well, Peanut had to learn a life lesson today. My husband called me not long after leaving the house this morning to warn me there was a dead cat laying in the road in front of our house. Why he didn't just take care of then I don't know... he's a man. I asked if it was one of ours he said it was gray with a collar. Well, both of ours are gray and they wear collars. I peaked out the kitchen window to confirm it's location and went outside to get a closer look. Sure enough, there lay Sparkle... I'll spare you the gory details but it wasn't pretty. Sparkle was about 6 months old, the last of the litter to live at our house. The others were given away or just ran away. He, (yes he--Peanut named him and insisted he was a she and it just wasn't worth arguing with a five year old about it) was a very sweet cat that just loved to be loved. After seeing my poor baby kitty laying there I called Nickel back to ask him to take care of the cat on his lunch break if he really couldn't come home right now to take care of it now. He agreed even though he didn't like the idea--but come on, that is NOT woman's work! He doesn't like cats so burying one shouldn't be a problem for him, and besides, he has buried two cats in the last year and a half (one was crushed by his momma after a few days and I ran over one in the spring--and I'll never get over it!).

Well, Peanut had seen the two other dead cats, but this one she loved on, on daily and was very attached to. So, after getting off the phone with her daddy she could see that I was upset. I'm not one to lie to my daughter but I will try to soften blows when I can. I looked at her and told her what had happened. Oh, the look in her tiny eyes. She was crushed. First her great-grandma now her cat! Is it the end of the world?!??!?

So, we finished getting ready. There was no way to get her out of the house without her seeing the cat (because daddy wouldn't take the time this morning to take care of it because he wants to be 15-20 minutes early to work since he can't be 2-3 hours early anymore... but that's for another post on another day) and she can't close the back door by herself so I had to let her go out. She immediately spotted the cat. As quickly as I could I walked in front of her and shielded her from seeing much more of the cat. I took great care backing out of the driveway because he was directly in my path but I managed to not hit him again. Peanut sobbed all the way to school and it was all I could do not to cry with her. Poor thing. My heart just melted for her. Once we got there I took her to my office and just held her and loved on her until she was able to go to class. I walked with her to tell her teachers what had happened and to explain the red puffy eyes.

Life lesson #1, Sometimes the things you love most in life go away forever. Check.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I'm so disappointed!

After waiting several weeks for Peanut's school pictures to come in, they finally did today. I've taken her to have her pictures made numerous times at this photography studio MANY times since birth and just knew they were going to be awesome pictures. Boy was I wrong. What ever happened to the days of getting a tiny proof, the size of a yearbook picture, to make sure you WANT the picture? Now a days they make you pay up front and good luck with pictures once you pick them up they're yours! I'm going to complain! I want my money back. I don't want to have to reschedule retakes! I wanted my pictures to be perfect in the first place! The benifits of working the same place my daughter goes to school in the AM is the fact tha I got to be nosey and check out all the other kid's pictures. They're all fine. Of course. It's just my daughter's pictures that look like dog doo! I'm not kidding, the 8X10 looks as though she has a second set of top teeth. My guess is Peanut was laughing when Mandy, yes, I even know her name, took the picture. It was digital, she could've taken a second one and deleted the first. But you'd think being "professional" and all that their cameras could pick up some speed or at least be aware of head movement and take a second one--just in case! I went in today, they were PACKED with people getting pictures made for holiday christmas cards, I'm sure it'll be the same story tomorrow. Mandy gets Wednesdays off, I didn't know this, so I get to go back tomorrow. So, what do you think my chances are of just getting my money back? I wonder what "special deals" they'll try to work out with me.

To tell you the truth, if they gave me my money back I would sing their praises forever. I've NEVER had problems with this studio before. Of course that was back when my friend Jessica worked there and took all of Peanut's pictures. This place would still be where I'd want to take Peanut to get her pictures taken if an event arose. They're reasonably priced to fit my budget (unlike the place we had a free sitting fee for a couple weeks ago who's prices are WAY WAY WAY overprices, but that's another story for another time...). I'm just disappointed. I'll let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite and if they do, bite them back!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Tee hee hee hee hee

I'm laughing a sinister little laugh today because I bought a new Bible! It was more then I really wanted to spend, and my blasted credit card wouldn't work (Mike, I called them and they told me it wasn't activated-you were right. I asked the very Pakastany gentelman why the girl I spoke to two weeks ago said it was-he had to answer), but I'm POSTIVE this investment will be well worth it in the long run.

I grew up in the General Baptist faith tradition. Please don't ask me what the difference is between General Baptist and Sounthern Baptist or Independent Baptist or [insert any other kind] Baptist... because I really don't know. As General Baptist I was pretty much taught that if you even so much as looked at a translation other then King James you were sure to go straight to hell. Well, I guess I'll take my chances. I'm sorry if you are one of those that believe that King James is the ONLY true translation but it's very hard to read. We just don't talk like that anymore and The Message puts it into words that I know, use and understand. I will admit that growing up King James I understood Shakespeare better then some of my classmates, but I don't know if it was because of reading King James or just me being smarter then everyone else.... hee heee heee, the answer is obvious! Today, I bought the Numbered Edition of The Message today! I'm so excited!!!! I think I'll start with the book of Ruth, it's one of my favorites. I don't have to be online when I want to cheat and read something other then Ol' King Jimmy. Don't get me wrong, I'll still have that translation and probably will for the rest of my life. Some verses are much more beautiful in King James, like Psalm 23!

Have a wonderful day and may you understand all the words you hear and read!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

So far so good!

I've made it through my very first 24 hour water fast. And I did it without killing anyone! Almost a week ago a friend referred me to Setting Captives Free. A website with online courses to help people over come addictions with biblical principles. There are courses for Sexual Impurity, Food Issues, Substance Abuse, and Gambling. As far as I can tell all the courses are free, at least the one I'm taking, The Lord's Table-Phase 1, is. Along with the daily Bible lessons they recommend, but do not insist on, a fasting regiment. The first day is a half fast where you eat what you normally do, only half of it. The second day is liquid, third normal, forth fast, fifth normal, sixth half, and seventh liquid. This repeats each week until the 60 days are accomplished. There are no "thou shalt no eat" foods. There is no punishment for "cheating".

With the course I have an online mentor who encourages me, not as much as I'd like, but we're just getting started and just getting to know each other. I'm sure as she gets to know my personality, and I know hers, we'll feel more connected.

Today I completed my fourth day-the fast- and I'm feeling great! I've tried to go without eating before in the past and have failed miserably every time because I was doing it for my glory and not for God's. Every single lesson so far has be a "duh" moment. Not a sarcastic duh, but a, "why didn't' I get this before" kind of duh. I encourage anyone that has weight issues to go check it out, take it for a test spin and see how you feel. As the next 55 days progress I'll let you know I'm doing. I stepped on the scale today, they discourage daily weigh ins, but I just wanted to know, and I've managed to take off 5 pounds already. God is wonderful and I look forward to seeing what He has in store for me!

Be well my friends, and be full of the holy spirit!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Missing Thanksgiving

Growing up Thanksgiving was such a big deal to me. I can still picture my grandmother's old grey house, that she paid $1 a year rent for. The house that my mother moved into when she was in 4th grade. The grandkids mostly played in the large back yard. The lot behind my grandmother and it housed a bright red barn that I dreamed about playing in. There was usually a game of football going on. I tried to act like I knew what was going on. I remember sliding down the tin door of my grandma's cellar and walking back up it. I use to play pretend a lot so I'm sure I was talking to myself out there. The spare bedroom, with two full size beds was where the kids played when it was too cold or too dark to play outside. We tried to stay out of the way of the adults. I just tried to stay away from my uncle Willard and uncle Carl, they were mean! They tried to tickle me or would reach out and grab me just to hear my scream! Oh, and I adored my cousins. They were all older then me, the youngest of 8 grandkids. I even had a crush on my cousin Jerry before I knew that you weren't suppose to have crushes on your cousins. Tanya and Sheri would "torture" me. I remember crying once because they were swinging me back and forth by my hands and feet. But I still wanted to hang out with them because they were so beautiful! They got to wear makeup and talked about boys! They lived "far" away in the town called Tulsa that I got to go to once a year for new school clothes.

Each year my grandmother would bake a ham, fix mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, sweet potatoes (with the marshmallows of course) oh and the turkey dressing... my dear mother's dressing comes very close but it's just not the same and I couldn't tell you what the difference would be except that it was my grandmother making it back then. My uncles and aunts would all come down and most of my cousins too. Wayne, the oldest of the grandkids, is close to 15 years older then me so by the time I remember him he was off doing his own thing. My aunt Lorene would make green stuff that I was sure had another name (pistachio pudding) but I didn't know it. To us it was green and actually good. Because my grandmother's table would only seat 8 we had to eat in shifts. The men always went first and everyone else after that depending on how hungry you were and how fast you got to the table. The women ate last. Sometimes if I was especially starved I would get to eat mine on a TV tray in the living room.

Because of the condition of the house and my grandmother's health she had to move to a smaller house a few years before she died. That's what I miss most. The house usually got hot because there were around 25 people crammed into this tiny house, but we didn't mind, and usually dressed for it! I loved it! I loved the closeness of the family. The hugs and laughter filled my heart.

My grandmother died in the Spring of 1998. Just a few days after my 19th birthday. With her death came a separation of the family. Oh, we still love each other very much and see each other from time to time, but my grandmother was the glue that held us together. Now each of her four children have Thanksgiving with their own children and grandchildren and even a great grand child here and there. I've often wished that we could all get together again. To be filled up with the love that was shared in that one bedroom house that amazingly held over 25 people each Thanksgiving (and Christmas Eve-story second verse), to catch up and laugh, but our lives have taken on new courses. We are more scattered now. I'm now 3 hours away from that little house in Tahlequah.

But, perhaps we're not suppose to have a Thanksgiving celebration without my grandmother. In that case, we'll have to wait until the rapture, and oh, will we have something to be thankful then!

Friday, November 04, 2005

The Perfect Relaxation Room

My friend Cindy over at the Emmaus Theory (great blog go check it out if you haven't already) post the Friday Feast. It's made up of a Appetizer, Soup, Salad, Main Course, and of course Dessert. It's always fun to see what questions pop up there on the Friday Feast and to read everyone's responses. Today's Dessert had me thinking ALL day. "Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room."
Well, if you want to read what I wrote click the link above and read the comments. I found this picture of the Jerash Ruins, in Jordan and thought this picture looked somewhat of the one I described. But the totally amazing website where I found this picture had such beautiful pictures I thought I must tell you all about them. Every single picture looked so serine! I could picture myself relaxed in every single one of these places, except maybe with the cows... but they looked pretty relaxed so maybe...and the koala's... I could just snuggle with them...oh, and don't get me started on the pictures of Italy, Scotland, Spain, Greek Islands, Syria....... go check them out! You won't be disappointed!

So tell me, what is your idea of the perfect relaxation room (or place).

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Copy, Paste, Answer - From Will Smama

1. smoked a cigar - NO
2. crashed a friend's car - no
3. stolen a car - no
4. been in love - yes
5. been dumped - yes
6. dumped someone - yes
7. taken shots of alcohol - yes
8. been fired – yes
9. been in a fist fight - no
10. snuck out of your house - no
11. had feelings for someone who didn't have them back- yes
12. been arrested - no comment
13. made out with a stranger - no
14. gone on a blind date - no
15. lied to a friend - yes
16. had a crush on a teacher- a sub maybe
18. seen someone die - yes
19. been on a plane - no
20. thrown up in a bar - no
22. miss someone right now - yes
23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes
24. made a snow angel - yes
25. played dress up - yes
26. cheated while playing a game - yes
27. been lonely - yes
28. fallen asleep at work/school - yes
29. used a fake id - no
30. felt an earthquake - no
31. touched a snake - yes
32. run a red light - yes
33. had detention - not that I remember
34. been in a car accident - yes
35. hated the way you look - yes
37. been lost - yes
38. been to the opposite side of the country - kinda
39. felt like dying - yes
40. cried yourself to sleep - yes
41. played cops and robbers - yes
42. karaoke - no
43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't - yes
44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose- yes
45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
46. kissed in the rain - unfortuntanly not that I remember, kissed in a pool, does that count?
47. sang in the shower - yes all the time
48. made love in a park - no
49. had a dream that you married someone - no
50. glued your hand to something - yes
51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no
52. worn the opposite sex's clothes - yes
53. Been a cheerleader – no
54. sat on a roof top - no
55. talked on the phone all night - yes, long distance too... very expensive
56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone – yes (ALWAYS too scared, is more appropriate)
57. played chicken fight - yes
58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - yes
59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger - hot, no but beautiful yes
60. broken a bone - no
61. had a 3-some? - no
62. dipped snuff? - no
63. lived overseas - no
64. Ever passed out/fainted? - yes
65. blown bubbles in the wintertime - not that I remember, my my memeory isn't all that good

The Tooth-Fairy

And who wouldn't want this tooth fairy to exchange thier used teeth for money?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Not too far from truth...


November is finally here! I thought October was going to kill me it was so full of stuff to do! It's really hard to work in one whole day in my pajamas not going ANYWHERE when you always have SOMEWHERE to go! Why does it seem that October is always the busiest month of the year? Now granted November is beginning to look a little crazy for me too with the traveling for Turkey Day, but there are no weddings this month which will make me feel better. Peanut has one soccer game left for this season. I'm entertaining the thought of dropping my jazz class for an easier lifestyle. And my mother-in-law wants to come get Peanut on the 19th and we can pick her up on Thanksgiving... I'm not so sure how I feel about this. Peanut would miss two days of school (and a ballet lesson and maybe a tap lesson), granted it's Kindergarten but do I really want her to start off her school years skipping two days around Thanksgiving just because Grandma wants her to? Will she learn that it's ok to skip school if you have a good reason? I NEVER got to skip school, although I was sick enough that I managed to miss my fair share of days. And I'm not saying that a break for us wouldn't be nice. A couple of days of peace and quite to clean house or watch my TV shows or just hang out with Nickel would be nice. We might even be able to finish a conversation in less then 20 minutes without the umtenth million interuptions! Of course Nickel offers no input on this situation. I don't know if he thinks I'll be mean and not listen to what he has to say or if he is just as clueless to it as I am. Hmmm... the things I must ponder on in November. But it's Tuesday morning and despite the fact that everyone else is still asleep I really must get out of this chair and hit the shower and go to work. At least I have nothing to do tonight, that's a good thing.