Thursday, August 03, 2006

The hardest part

The hardest part of waiting on someone to die is well, the waiting. When someone dies suddenly or at least without much warning you grieve and you're done. When you're waiting on someone to die you have to wait. Every time the phone rings you wonder, is this the call? I love my father-in-law and I don't want him to die, but I don't want him to suffer any longer then he has to either.

Tonight Peanut was being, well, her normal stubborn strong-willed self, but I sensed something different. I think the stress is getting to her as well. I tried to sing to her tonight, she tried to sing along, I cried. I often sing this song to her when she's had a bad day or is scared of the dark. Tonight the words were straight from my heart. Here's the words the song we sang:

Here these words, oh Lord I pray,
For my strength has gone away,
Give me patience now to see,
That you're goodness covers me,
I must know that you still care
That in times of deep despair
I can reach my hand to you
And you'll be there.

Guide my steps when I can't see,
Help me Lord, to trust in thee,
Be my shelter on the way,
As I struggle towards the day.
For the strength of your good hand
Will direct me towards the land
And the promise you have made
Will lead me there.

Abide with me, fast falls the eve'n tide
The darkness deepens
Lord, with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless
Oh abide with me.

Guide my steps when I can't see
Help me Lord, to trust in thee
Be my shelter on the way,
As I struggle towards the day
For the strength of your good hand
Will direct me towards the land
And the promise you have made
Will lead me home.
And the promise you have made
Will lead me home.


Pilot Mom said...

So very well put. I can see why you would sing this.

Either way (dying w/o notice or waiting to die) it is terrible to have to go thru. The recovery process is long but the sun does eventually shine again.

My prayers are with you and your family.

~Jennifer said...

{{{{Leslee and family}}}}}

eija said...

It's so wonderful that God has given people beautiful songs like that one, too. Singing or listening to those songs during bad times can be such a huge comfort - like a prayer, when there's no strength to find words of our own to pray with.

madcapmum said...

Waiting isn't easy, but it's real. It's a lack of control we aren't used to feeling in our modern lives, and gives us the opportunity to sink into the timelessness that is God. I remember that sort of waiting when I was waiting the two weeks to find out what kind of cancer I had. Blessed be you all, Leslee, extra blessings to Peanut.

Girl said...


the sojourning pilgrim said...

This is why I love choir - not the fellowship (although I love that part) - not the music (although my heart is literally stirred by music itself) - but the support of the text and the truth it encapsulates.

I enjoyed visiting with Nick a few minutes last evening.

Badoozie said...

now you're making me want to cry darn ya!

Leslee said...

Thanks everyone.

Susie I didn't mean to make you cry.

Doc, you are so right. Are we going to be starting choir up this month or next?

James said...

I know how you feel. My mum was diagnosed with alzheimers four years ago, then had a stroke, and has had several seizures since. The doctors have said it could be "any day now" for the last two years. What makes it harder is that I've already lost her - the alzheimers has taken her away from all of us; she doesn't know who I am, or my sisters. So in a way, we've had to grieve her passing while her body is still alive. When the comes that her body gives up, I know that one thing I will feel for certain is relief.

Leslee said...

James, alzheimers is awful! My grandmother-in-law had dementia, just a stage away from alzheimers.

There is a certain relief when you know someone has been suffering.

Aunt Jo said...

I am glad you shared the song. It is perfect. Sometimes we don't even know what to pray when we are hurt. I am glad our God knows my heart and I don't have to say the words outloud. Waiting is so hard.

You and your family will continue to be in my prayers.

Jackie said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this...

revabi said...

Prayers for your faither in law, hubby and family.
Thanks for sharing the song also