Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Feeling Nervous

This isn't going to be one of my funny posts. Or at least it's not suppose to be. If there is laughter, it's a nervous laughter.

A week and a half ago I went to my doctor to have my yearly check up. I always request a CA125 blood test when I go. The CA125 is an ovarian cancer pre-screening blood test. You see, I have this particular type of cancer in my family. Up until a year ago it was only on my dad's side of the family, his mother died when I was about 8 years old. Last summer my mom's sister also fell victim to this horrible cancer. I do what I can to watch for this almost silent until it's too late, killer by the blood test.

Last Friday the doctor's office called. My levels were up. The CA125 is not a definitive test. And my levels were not high, just up. "Don't worry," they said. Ha. And and I say Ha-Ha! Don't worry? I roll my eyes, two people in my family have DIED because of this cancer and I'm not suppose to worry?!

So today I found myself entering a hospital for further testing. Another blood test, this time and HE4. Another ovarian cancer screening blood test and an ultra sound. I was alone, but that was by choice. I knew I would be a basket case if I allowed my friends to accompany me as they requested. Nickel of course didn't ask to go and I didn't ask him. That would have been harder. As it was, I managed to keep a brave face the entire time.

I won't have any results for a day or two. All I know is the tech that did the ultrasound took lots of pictures and measurements. She wasn't allowed to tell me anything good or bad. So I wait. I hate waiting. Hopefully by this time tomorrow I'll have good news and I can cry and release all this tension I have built up. But for now I head back to work.

Isaiah 30:18
But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you. He's gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right—everything. Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.