Goodbyes

Goodbyes are never easy, even when you know they're coming. Today my husband called to tell me that they were rushing his grandmother to the ER, and she wasn't expected to live. Upon seeing me cry, I told Peanut that her great-grandmother was very sick and dropped her off at school and soon joined my husband at the hospital. We are the only family in town so we were the first ones there. Grandmother had been revived after her heart stopped, but she had internal bleeding from taking asprin for so long, her blood pressure was very low, and she couldn't breath on her own, but she was hanging on. I think she was waiting on us to be there. No one should have to die alone. I know, I know, we're not really alone because Jesus or the angels are there, but I'm talking about family. The family soon showed up and we waited in the ICU waiting room for a few hours. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each other's company. We each got to see the shell of the woman we had loved for so long. Her heart may have been beating but she had already left to be with her friend, Jesus. It was so hard looking at this woman who has loved her family so much just lay there with a tube in her mouth her eyes glazed over. I don't know if she heard us or knew we were there, but we told her it was ok for her to go. I think that's what made it so hard. Just being able to say, 'we'll be ok. you go see heaven!' Grandmother passed from this life at 4:30 this afternoon with her family close by.

I picked Peanut up after she passed and being the mommy I had to tell her. It was so hard. How do you get across to a 5 year old that she won't get to play with her great-grandmother ever again. I picked up a couple of tissues on the way out the door and she asked why. As soon as we got to the car I asked her if she remembered me telling her about Great Grandma being sick this morning. She said she did. So I knelt down and told her that Great Grandma had died and went to be with Jesus. Oh the tears fell from both of us. I think mine were mostly because I had to tell my little girl about it. But I think she understood. About 10 mintues later she was right back to her normal happy self. I'm sure from time to time she'll tell me how she misses Great-Grandma, she tells me all the time how she misses her grandma's dog. Oh, how I wish we were able to release our sadness as quickly as children do.

I know that Grandmother is in a much sweeter place now. She is home with the angels that she loved so much. Her friend Jesus is probably having coffee with her right now. Grandmother never met a stranger and her love for life was expressed through her sparkling eyes and bright smile. She will be missed.