Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Boys

Do you ever have one of those days where you just sit back and reflect over the past. Whither it be the past day, week, month, year or life. I'm having one of those days. Kind of makes me miss my prozac... just kidding, I was never on anything THAT strong.

Today I've been wondering about those boys I use to know. Now, I'm happily married and wouldn't change a thing ... ok, so maybe there are a couple minor things I would change but I can stand it if they don't ever change. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else, that much I know to be true. But I do wonder what those boys that I use to know are up to today.

There was Sam. The guy I was going to marry. That is if we could ever live in the same area for a good period of time to really get to know each other. I met Sam on the internet and we ran up quite the phone bill talking to each other every day and sometimes more then once a day. But alas, Sam, when faced with the opportunity to come to Oklahoma to live closer to me just couldn't do it. He spoke perfect English and Spanish. His parents were born in Puerto Rico but Sam lived most of his life in the Florida. I tried to tell him that Oklahoma was desperate for bilingual people and he could almost name his wage and get it. But he just couldn't do it. Last I heard of him he was back in Puerto Rico.

Before him there was Josh, I had a crush on him for... oh, just 3 years of my high school existence. I don't know if he ever really knew. It's not like I came out and told him. Gosh no, possibly face rejection from one of my best friends-- no way! If he did know it it didn't really effect our friendship. We didn't talk on the phone much or anything like that, but we ate lunch together every day. Well, to be honest, there were about 7 or 8 of us that ate together and a dozen or so classmates that would join us from time time. Josh always had a way of making me laugh even when I was in the worst of moods. I tried to keep in touch with him after high school but his lack of communication kept our corispondences sparadic. Years later I learned of his email address but I guess he didn't check it much either. Or perhaps he just didn't want to remain in contact with me as much as I did him. The latter is probably the correct one. Deep down inside I think that Josh did know how much I had a crush on him. He probably thought if he ignored it it would go away. And it did. Not many boys liked me back then. I sometimes look at the mirror and wonder who the pudgy girl is that's been looking back at me my whole life.

Before Josh there was Jimmy. Jimmy and I had become friends in 8th grade. He was in my last hour Spanish class. He was cute and nice. In 9th grade Jimmy moved away but we kept in touch. Right after graduation he moved back. Jimmy wasn't a good guy. Oh, he was always sweet to me, Jimmy was a drug user, went to wild parties, and probably a lot of other stuff he didn't tell me about. One time I actually tried to get him to let me try drugs. He refused. Said I was too good to take drugs. Dog-gone him, he was right. See, very sweet always looking out for me. He knew that life wasn't me, and didn't want it to become me either. I wasn't a bad girl. Was it written all over my face or something?

I wonder what these boys are up to. Have they found happiness? Are they still alive? I hope so, to both of my questions. I hope they've each found themselves a good girl that laughs at all their jokes and loves them entirely.

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you Philippians 1:3

No comments: