Tuesday, January 17, 2006

All Over Again


*updated on 1/17 to show you a picture of my grandma.*

Today, I was talking to Flashy and thought of my grandmother. Her birthday is at the end of this month. If she was alive today she'd be turning 94. However, the good Lord knew what was best and took her home in 1998, not long after my 19th birthday. I loved my grandma.

If I could step out of time for just a year and relive a year I think I would pick the year I was 18. Not out of regret (no, that would be the year I was 24). I would relive 18 just so I could spend more time with my grandma. To make more memories or at the very least hold on to the ones I have a little better. I graduated highschool that spring and after that I had to find a job. My first job was working for Cherokee Nation as a summer intern. I hung out with the other interns mostly, we were always together during the day and most of us had went to school together. The ones that didn't go to school with us in Tahlequah quickly became part of the group. If I could re-do that summer I would stop and see my grandma every day before going home, no matter what time I actually went home (some days it was 5 and others it was 9 depending on what we did after work). And since my grandmother was a worrier, I would have to call her as soon as I got home to let her know I got there safely.

That fall I started my first semester at Northeastern State University in Tahlequah. Somedays I would get lunch, Taco Bell or Burger King, and take it to my grandma's house. I had to be early otherwise she'd warm up a pot of beans. My grandma had lost her sense of taste for most foods, but sometimes she could actually taste the tacos and burgers. If I could re-do that fall I would make sure I took her lunch everyday and a fresh boquet of red carnations (her favorite) every week instead of wasting my money on a $300 phone bill.

Sometimes if I close my eyes and try real hard I can see her in my mind's eye. She's always in a red sleeveless shirt (very hot natured only wore sleeves when it got close to 0) and black slacks. And I can always see her smiling. So maybe I don't need to relive 18, but it would be nice to hug her one more time.

8 comments:

madcapmum said...

What a young chickie you are!

I kind of envy you, being close to your family. Mine's pretty much disintegrated due to a long and doleful list of disfunction. It doesn't sound to me like you have much to regret.

Leslee said...

Yes Madcap, growing up I was the baby of the family (youngest of 8 cousins). My husband is 10 years old then me so I'm still the youngest in most settings. A lot, but not all, of my dearest friends are already over 30 and 40 (and a few older but I like to pretend they're younger). Being close to my family has always been important to me. A month after we were married my husband moved me three and a half hours away from my momma, AND we found out just weeks later that I was pregnant with Peanut (no wonder she thinks we never had a life without her).

I don't have a lot to regret about this life of mine. However, when I was 24 I made some very bad choices but as a result of those choices I became a better parent. Someday I'll blog about those choices, but I'm not quite far enough removed from it.

Mike Kear said...

Beautiful post, Leslee.

Cindy said...

Yes, indeed a beautiful post and a lesson in not taking your days on earth (and the people in your circle) for granted.

Leslee said...

Aw sucks, thanks guys

Hermeneuticland said...

Your post reminded me of my feelings about my grandfather who died when I was 17. I'd give anything for a hug from him too. Thanks for sharing.

Leslee said...

Welcome to my blog Hermeneuticland and thank you for your comment. We just can't hold on to hugs like we'd like sometimes.

Pilot Mom said...

I, too, miss my grandparents but the one I wish I could see and hear and touch again would be my dad. Sometimes, in a crowd, I'll smell a man with the same aftershave my father wore and memories FLOOD back in! How I miss him. He and my Mom moved from Colo to live with my husband, son and me back in the fall of 1999. He died in April 2001. Some of my fondest memories are of his helping me to cook. He would do all my chopping of onions, celery...what ever needed chopping. :) He and I would plan the menu for any get togethers we might be having. *sigh* Good memories.