Today, according to the calendar sitting on my desk, it is Wednesday. Not very exciting.
Yesterday I had lunch with a couple of my friends from church. We had a wonderful visit. We talked about kids, husbands, and life in general. Then one friend asked, 'is this how you expected your life to turn out'. What a question. Ever since I've been chasing rabbits in my own mind.
Is this how you expected your life to turn out?
My answer was simply, no. No, it is not. I dreamed of bigger and better things.
I never imagined living in Enid aka the edge of Nowhere, USA. Oh, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with Enid. From what I've seen it has a decent school system. There some crime, but where is there not? Enid is perfectly fine for raising children. It's just not where I expected to raise children.
Speaking of children, I never expected to have only one, I always thought I'd have two at least and maybe three. But one is what I've got. That's it. That's all. The end. At least according to my husband and I'm too old fashioned to go against what he wants.
Speaking of husbands, I love mine very dearly and wouldn't trade him for the whole world. At least on most days. But still, I expected more... I don't know what word or group of words I'm looking for... just something... more.
How many times have I heard, "You create your own destiny." I really wish we were given a crystal ball at graduation instead of a diploma so that we can look and see what to expect. And for every decision you make you could see how it's going to effect your whole life!
When I was 18/19 I wanted so desperatly to be a wife. In my mind there was nothing as important. I gave up on school (I tried to go back but it was so much harder). I gave up on other dreams. I will probably never get to travel like I once dreamed of because I have to work full time to pay the bills and there never seems to be enough money left over to save for trips. No, now I'm too busy for all those things and life is passing me by. In a few years I will be thirty. The age doesn't bother me so much as the fact that I look back and wonder what I was doing in my twenties........ being a grown up. Yes, I'm finally taking dance, which at age 5 was what I desperatly wanted. Will EVERYTHING be twenty some years later? I wish I had that guarentee.
But there are friends that I've made along the way that I never expected either. And to quote a favorite poems, "That has made all the difference."
No, friend, this is NOT how I expected my life to turn out.